Subject to Change
by IWriteNaked
Summary: The best of times. The worst of times. There were galaxies in his eyes, and it made Clary's faulty heart beat irregularly. He reminded her that hell is real. She lives there. But her stomach should be proud for finally getting him down. One shot.


**This happened this morning. Oops****.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments.  
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><p>-Clary Fray-<p>

"What happened with Sebastian?" Jace asks, leaning across the table. He leans in so close that I can see the amber flecks in his luminous golden eyes.

_What happened with Sebastian?_

How could he be so cold hearted?

He consistently claimed that he wanted to fall in love, but I don't think love was what he really wanted. Sebastian liked the idea of love. He wanted the hot, passionate love he'd seen in all the romantic comedies that we curled up on the couch and watched together. He wanted someone to make him feel the way love songs did. He said he wanted true, strong and bottomless love, when evidence pointed to the contrary. He wanted someone who would love him and he did not want to give his love in return.

His father didn't know what love was, and his mother was disgusted by him. Sebastian was searching for the love his parents wouldn't give him, but he didn't know when he found it.

When I did my best to give him what he wanted; when he finally had the kind of love he'd always dreamed about, he had no idea what to do with it. The man was too far gone. When it came to love, he was a virgin; fifteen, untouched and blushing. I clung to his chest, and knew there was nothing left inside of him. He didn't feel anything.

_He left me. He left me. He left me._

When it boils down to it, he had more depth than he gave himself credit for and I weighed him down with all the true, pure, unadulterated kind of love I had in me, because that's what I thought he wanted. That's what he _said _he wanted from me, and I believed him. I _loved _him with such ferocity; even now it makes my head spin.

_It's over. It's over. It's over._

He held me in his arms, and then let me fall. Sebastian Verlac kicked me out of our shared apartment in the middle of the night when he became overwrought with the significance of the situation and the commitment our relationship offered.

_He's gone. He's gone. He's gone._

After that, he surgically removed whatever trueness was left in our short lived romance by not answering my phone calls, despite the fact that we vowed to remain friends in order to remember and respect what we shared. I didn't allow the pain to metastasize.

To tell the truth: He was a coward.

And he was easy to illicitly assess, behind his oversized ego. He projected his insecurities onto everyone around him. He was a cocky little shit, for someone who hated himself.

Sebastian was toxic, but so was I. We were too young to love, and we did not know that love is always subject to change.

The man never wanted me. He wanted the fantasy he'd built up inside of himself. The idea of how beautiful love could be. He failed to realize that there is hardship in love.

Now, reality is abstract. Sebastian is pretending that I didn't happen. He's pretending _we _didn't happen.

Just maybe one day, he'll hear me speak and actually listen to what I say. We could have lasted, but he didn't want me. He wanted out.

I don't love him anymore. I don't have enough patience or compassion in me to love a man who couldn't be bothered with the tragedy of loving me back. I won't romanticize people, like him. _I won't._

Looking back, our relationship makes no sense to me. I don't understand why we were ever together.

I guess I manage to remain content in my life by telling myself that fate is a true thing, and there are reasons for it when things don't work out. They say that when one door closes, another door opens. Simon would tell me that I could just reopen the closed door, because that's how doors work. I've been wasting all of my afternoons, reminding myself that there's a reason I left the old door alone.

I look at Jace's tawny eyes and know the reason is that the Great Divide has something else in store for me. It will be beautiful and better than ever before.

"We didn't want it enough."

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><p><strong>Not open to continuation. This is just a quick, hard fic against the wall.<strong>

**-IWriteNaked**


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